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Lost in a Fantasy World
November 5, 2003
by Sean Mullin

One night last week...

In order to learn a bit about basketball and the people who play the game, I signed up for Yahoo! Fantasy Basketball.  I know I’ll probably get my butt handed to me but oh well.  It’s supposed to be fun, even for “casual” (i.e., new, inexperienced, virginal)—to use Yahoo’s word—fans like me. 

My team’s been drafted.  Time to take a peek and see what’s up:
OK, apparently I have no players!  What’s up with that?  Why the hell do I have an empty roster?

Apparently, I have to insert them myself—if I knew who the hell they were, that’d be helpful.

12:48 AM
Major comprehension issues!  PG is Point Guard, right?  Don’t ask me how I know that; I just do.  But SG—no clue about that one; same thing with F.  C, I assume, is Center and Util is Utility but I could be wrong.  Dear God, I’m clueless…

One more glass of wine won’t hurt, will it?  Robert Mondavi’s like 86… something tells me good ‘ol Bob knows more about basketball than me.  That’s pretty sad.  Yeah, definitely having one more glass of wine…

I think this is my roster.  I’ve only heard of one player—Scottie Pippen—on my entire team (and he’s on the bench.)  I’m so very confused…

How do I know if I’m winning? 

Maybe if I click on Standings?

I’m tied for first place (I think)!
Of course, everyone has a 0 in the Total column.  Hmmmm, why is that?

That’s it: I’ve heard of him… so Scottie Pippen’s coming off the bench.  It’s my team.  I can do that…

OK, I’ve had enough… maybe I’ll come back to this tomorrow… err, later today…

Let’s see: what have I learned tonight?  Answer: Nothing. 

(I already knew that I know nothing about basketball.)

The Rook originally hails from Boston and currently resides in Kansas.  He can be reached at

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