November 12, 2003
by Sean Mullin
I don’t get basketball. If you’ve read any of my previous articles, that fact has been clearly established.
My fantasy basketball team is sucking wind and I don’t really understand the game any better than I did when I started this column.
But this week, I’m pleased to announce that I’ve had something of a breakthrough. I’ve found something in the game of basketball that I can a) relate to and b) understand.
Thank God for SIBLING RIVALRY—something even a basketball moron like me can comprehend. (And if I can get it, anyone can!)
The Van Gundy brothers are going head-to-head and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Jeff and Stan—both head coaches—are going to duke it out and they’ve got to be feeling the pressure.
Yeah, there’s talk about the pride they’re both feeling in their achievements and their Dad has said how proud of them he is over and over again in the press but, honestly, what’s more embarrassing than losing to your own brother?
Sure you love the guy and want him to succeed, but if you can’t kick your own brother’s butt, whose butt can you kick?
The bottom line is that neither Jeff nor Stan wants to lose. They both got where they are by playing to win and, when they go head-to-head, one of them is going down. That’s the reality of the situation and that’s what makes the matchup so exciting.
I feel for Stan in particular. He doesn’t appear to understand basketball any better than me, judging by his record. I’m not saying that to be harsh, but even an idiot like me could guide a team to a 0-6 record.
Now what if the Heat (and Stan) actually win and the Rockets (and Jeff) lose? If you were Jeff, you’d feel terrible losing to any team with Stan’s record.
But add in the fact that you’re losing to your brother who can’t manage to win a game and, I think, you’d really have to feel like the wrong side of a shoe in a dog park. He’ll never let you live that one down.
You’ll be hearing about it till you’re 90!
What a matchup!
Editor’s Note: Jeff and the Rockets stuck it to winless brother Stan and his Heat, winning by 20 – the same number of consecutive Thanksgiving dinners Jeff will be reminding Stan of his team’s feat.
The Rook originally hails from Boston and currently resides in Kansas. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.